::Girl Poem ::

I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.

I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!

Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????

I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.

DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK!?!

~ By a Girl, for All Girls...

:: Test Tickles! ::

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800.

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday"......

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles"

DOH!!

:: General Knowledge..? ::

Some things i always wanted to know...

If you yelled for eight years, seven months and six days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee (hardly seems worth it)

If you farted consistently for six years and nine months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb (now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (OMG!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes (in my next life, I want to be a pig!)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death (i'm still not over the pig)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour (do not try this at home..maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field (30 minutes..lucky pig. Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity).

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmm..)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people (if you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump (OK, so that would be a good thing..)

A cat's urine glows under a black light (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain (I know some people like that).

Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too)

Polar bears are left-handed (if they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure (what about that pig??)

:: Horoscope... Horrorscope? ::

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20)

The only thing that can be said about you dreamers is that you appear even more attractive when angry. You are very sensitive to others’ feelings, so you rarely hurt them. But when others tend to hurt you, then things take a nasty turn. You will yell and use harsh words and feel inclined to shake everything and everyone up. Your creative imagination is at its best when angry, and you tend to get pretty dramatic. When upset, you refuse to listen to reason and wish to be left alone. But once you calm down, you repent your tantrums and seek forgiveness. So nobody can be upset with you for too long.

Hmmm... I wonder how true this is...

:: What's In A Name ::
Recent studies by name societies disclosed that names influence character and do have a definite bearing upon one's life path. letters carry their own energy patterns relating to personality traits and needs. Name analysis using letter qualities is called ACROPHONOLOGY. This analysis of your name is a brief summary of the hidden meanings found within the letters of your own name...

Lynette... You are fair-minded sometimes to the point of being opinionated. You have a strong need to be loved and appreciated. Your independence and freedom are important to you. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You need to learn faith in place of fear. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood.

Elizabeth... You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You are compassionate, highly imaginative and creative. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You are a constructive thinker. You have a need for monetary security. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You need to learn faith in place of fear. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts.

Chng... You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You need to learn the true value of material possessions. You have a natural protection in life. You are always saved - especially from yourself. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job.

+++

something I leeched off Dia's blog... interesting enough... and entertaining for both my colleague and I while waiting for stuff to come in i the office now... yes... we have no life! still in the office working now... =(

:: Yawn! ::
oh gawh!!! time seems to be passing sooooo slowly today!!! it usually isn't this hard to pass time in the office, but i find myself glancing at the clock every 3 minutes... and time is crawling! sigh...

it's a quiet, quiet thursday... the market is quiet, the office is quiet, and the only entertaining thing is this irritating guy called Ben from some unknown company who is pissing the hell out of Mike (my colleague)! heh... talk abt cheap thrills, eh?

oh well... BACK TO WORK!